It’s 1.15 am and I really ought to hit the sacks, yet I’m sitting right here typing this. It’s not often that I get the mojo to blog, so I really am not going to let this moment pass by just like that.

Looking back on all the posts and blogs that I have, I really tend to blog about sad stuff don’t I? Let’s just end the emo cycle right here… Not stopping but am going to minimize it. But I do wonder, why and what have I been so upset about? I certainly have lots of issues but looking back, haven’t I survived all this years through HIS grace alone?

Speaking of which because of all my issues, I really have sidelined all those wonderful people and relationships. Built a thick barrier and now realizing that the saying “No man’s an island” rings so so true… Really, isn’t it a little too late to be thinking about that now?

It’s not gonna be easy re-integrating back into the world and people I left behind…. And I bet karma would really like to kick my ass till it’s black and blue… but I really want to give it a shot.

Le sigh

After years of carefully crafting and building the invincible wall, you expect to just tear it down and act as if nothing happened??

Yea right... Karma would like a word with you.

How many hearts were broken, relationships cut short, and love wasted
Just so you can leave without turning back... with no hard feelings...

And in the end,
realising that maybe, you wanna stay here??

It's probably pay back time now.

Okay... I'm not happy and I feel bad...

Maybe I shall just sit in a corner and rot.....

And I'm suppose to be on break.....

Owh my gawd..... I wanna just hide in a corner and draw mushrooms till I turn into 1....

And sometimes you wonder if you're the only one who was fooled...

Where's the person who's able to dance from table to table, ranting on and on about something and seeing the smile of people's face... The same person who enjoys solitude and can sit alone in a cafe reading a book, ignorant to her surrounding and the face-less people passing by.

Where's the person who dreams big and aims even higher... who's willing and able to claw her way up if she wants something bad enough...

Or the ice princess who is cool, calm and collected to the point of being emotionless in every situation... the good, the bad and the f*ck...

The person who acts and talk like a 31 year old when she was 13...

Or the person who couldn't careless about anyone as long as she focused on living... Absolutely no one and nothing else matters.... except herself.

I see her slipping away.... bit by bit... her thoughts in a tangled up mess... the more she tries to hold on to her memories, the more she falls into a deep dark pit of endless misery...

Past memories are not meant to be hold on to... at least not the ugly ones, but it's the only thing that reminds her of who she was, or wants to be....

Because at present she's losing all of these... and it scares her to death.

The again she wonders.....

How did she become that person? It's there deep inside a corner of her head... And she refuse to remember them... at least her heart tries not to...

The moment when you just wanna crawl into a corner and just rot.....

Ceasing to exist.....

Xoxo...

Blair: As long as I’m with you, I’m Hilary in the White House. And I want to be Hilary, Secretary of State. But with better hair.

( Gossip Girl, Season 4)

Well said Blair.... That's why you're my favorite character in Gossip Girl.