And I'm suppose to be on break.....

Owh my gawd..... I wanna just hide in a corner and draw mushrooms till I turn into 1....

And sometimes you wonder if you're the only one who was fooled...

Where's the person who's able to dance from table to table, ranting on and on about something and seeing the smile of people's face... The same person who enjoys solitude and can sit alone in a cafe reading a book, ignorant to her surrounding and the face-less people passing by.

Where's the person who dreams big and aims even higher... who's willing and able to claw her way up if she wants something bad enough...

Or the ice princess who is cool, calm and collected to the point of being emotionless in every situation... the good, the bad and the f*ck...

The person who acts and talk like a 31 year old when she was 13...

Or the person who couldn't careless about anyone as long as she focused on living... Absolutely no one and nothing else matters.... except herself.

I see her slipping away.... bit by bit... her thoughts in a tangled up mess... the more she tries to hold on to her memories, the more she falls into a deep dark pit of endless misery...

Past memories are not meant to be hold on to... at least not the ugly ones, but it's the only thing that reminds her of who she was, or wants to be....

Because at present she's losing all of these... and it scares her to death.

The again she wonders.....

How did she become that person? It's there deep inside a corner of her head... And she refuse to remember them... at least her heart tries not to...

The moment when you just wanna crawl into a corner and just rot.....

Ceasing to exist.....

Xoxo...

Blair: As long as I’m with you, I’m Hilary in the White House. And I want to be Hilary, Secretary of State. But with better hair.

( Gossip Girl, Season 4)

Well said Blair.... That's why you're my favorite character in Gossip Girl.

Humans are such complex and illogical beings.

In the past when trouble is your companion, you wish to get rid of it once and for all...

Trade in everything for peace and serenity...

You thought you could live a life of quietness

Yet when trouble cease to exist,

you secretly long for it...

The drama, the tears, the adrenaline rush...

Well maybe, just maybe...

The rocky path is the very ingredient,

Like walking on eggshells...

It's the one thing that keeps you awake...

Coz if you don't, you'll fall off and drown.

I loathe the person that I'm slowly becoming....

Hence, Let's kill her once and for all...

Before she has a chance to transform into that being...

I would never allow myself to lose the edgy-ness in me...

I would rather die than become that person who drowns slowly in the pool...

Either swim or just suffocate urself

Random ramblings...

Can't believe I'm doing this but...

Apparently, it looks like I'm being a lot more involve with my emotional side lately. For one, I think I'm starting to pay more attention to the people around me nowadays. I mean, Who would have thought that I would actually make an effort in contacting and trying to save friendship(s)....

The "me" 2 years ago wouldn't have believed it, in fact, I think she would roll her eyes and laugh at your face...

But it's true.

Lately, I've been thinking that I really am losing people around me because all these years I couldn't careless about people. My life motto was friends and family come and go, just make new ones... But now, I kind of miss the bond I have with some of my old pals...

I really can't believe this is happening to me. Not the part about losing old friends, but the part where I actually care and feel it... My gawd, age is really catching up with me...

I'm actually glad that no one reads this blog anymore. Hence, I get to ramble all I want. I keep a blog instead of a diary because I tend to lose stuff and you can't possibly lose an electronic webpage, so yeah. A blog it is.

Amazing how your brain tends to over-work during the holidays out of sheer boredom... It makes me daydream and think about things in my life... and to be intact with reality really scares the hell out of me. All this years I've been living in fantasy land and denial as a form of defense mechanism... But lately, I think I'm able to see reality as it is...

Reality is not nice.... but I guess I'm coming to terms with things...

Anyway, I've been really miserable for years because I've always been focused on the future...

Failed to observe the present as now and a gift....

So, I know it's the 3rd quarter of 2011 and hardly the right time to make resolutions but I pledge to be more involve with living in the present and try to be happier... It's just a matter of perception. Happenings don't determine how happy you are rather it how you perceive it that determines your state if mind.

So, I pledge to see the cup as half full instead of empty...