When your forgiven, could you turn over a new leaf? Or would you plugged into the same old shyt that you've done before??
Went to church today, no youth so was off to the main service. Meet all my friends and had small talks... oh yea, and wished Betrice Happy Bufday... she's such a wonderful leader, indeed God blessed us with Betrice, and betrice is blessed with GOOD FOOD... XD
And there I was telling darling Claudia yesterday, about how I needed forgiveness and how almost impossible is it for me to forget everything that happened... Stuff have changed me into this... I can't really comprehend, is it really bad to be all cold and cool?? It protected me from the pain in a way, for not caring....yet it worries me, coz I don't give a damn about much. I guess I hide my feelings to much that right now, I can't really tell if I'm happy or sad... harden I call it...yet I feel a sense of panic in me.... undecidable, I don't understand...
Well, today's sermon was tailor made for me... Pastor talk about the 3 folds communion... He said that Jesus died on that fateful day to take away our sorrow or burden... bullseye. To take away our shame and sins.... a hit on da head. To give us peace...I should have bought lottery... coz all is right... correcto!!
Instantly I know its what I'm struggling... yet I didn't even feel a taed of emotion, all I know was that Its what I'm facing...but no feeling. WTH?! My goodness what the hell is wrong with me?? I guess I need time... for he have given me the willpower to live again... I remember smiling while walking out for the church building.
Deliverance they called it... yet I wonder if a useless scump like me could live up to it... All I can do now is try...right now.... Time would heal the wound, I hope it dosen't leave a scar...
2 comments:
i felt the same thing as you!!!
it was like i didn't want to hear, i was so restless. i can't concentrate on the sermon at all but i know what is the pastor saying.
i feel much better now but i still need time to really trust someone.
i don't want to get hurt again. it feels so painful, you cry yourself to sleep, lonely and the thing is that people think she is okay.
at least you have claudia. thank god for that. but i...
you know what i want for my birthday. i just want everyone that i know come to a place and enjoy each others company. i don't care where is it. that is all...
Lol... I'll be there manda k?
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